| [Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE] | |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls himself doctor of physic? |
| SIMPLE | Marry, sir, the pittie-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | I most fehemently desire you you will also look that way. |
| SIMPLE | I will, sir. |
| [Exit] | |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | 'Pless my soul, how full of chollors I am, and trempling of mind! I shall be glad if he have deceived me. How melancholies I am! I will knog his urinals about his knave's costard when I have good opportunities for the ork. 'Pless my soul! |
| [Sings] | |
| To shallow rivers, to whose falls Melodious birds sings madrigals; There will we make our peds of roses, And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow-- |
|
| Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. | |
| [Sings] | |
| Melodious birds sing madrigals-- When as I sat in Pabylon-- And a thousand vagram posies. To shallow &c. |
|
| [Re-enter SIMPLE] | |
| SIMPLE | Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | He's welcome. |
| [Sings] | |
| To shallow rivers, to whose falls- Heaven prosper the right! What weapons is he? |
|
| SIMPLE | No weapons, sir. There comes my master, Master Shallow, and another gentleman, from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. |
| [Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER] | |
| SHALLOW | How now, master Parson! Good morrow, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. |
| SLENDER | [Aside] Ah, sweet Anne Page! |
| PAGE | 'Save you, good Sir Hugh! |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! |
| SHALLOW | What, the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson? |
| PAGE | And youthful still! in your doublet and hose this raw rheumatic day! |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | There is reasons and causes for it. |
| PAGE | We are come to you to do a good office, master parson. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | Fery well: what is it? |
| PAGE | Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw. |
| SHALLOW | I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity and learning, so wide of his own respect. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | What is he? |
| PAGE | I think you know him; Master Doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | Got's will, and his passion of my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. |
| PAGE | Why? |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, --and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave as you would desires to be acquainted withal. |
| PAGE | I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. |
| SHALLOW | [Aside] O sweet Anne Page! |
| SHALLOW | It appears so by his weapons. Keep them asunder: here comes Doctor Caius. |
| [Enter Host, DOCTOR CAIUS, and RUGBY] | |
| PAGE | Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. |
| SHALLOW | So do you, good master doctor. |
| Host | Disarm them, and let them question: let them keep their limbs whole and hack our English. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | I pray you, let-a me speak a word with your ear. Vherefore vill you not meet-a me? |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you, use your patience: in good time. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | [Aside to DOCTOR CAIUS] Pray you let us not be laughing-stocks to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, and I will one way or other make you amends. |
| [Aloud] | |
| I will knog your urinals about your knave's cockscomb for missing your meetings and appointments. |
|
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Diable! Jack Rugby,--mine host de Jarteer,--have I not stay for him to kill him? have I not, at de place I did appoint? |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | As I am a Christians soul now, look you, this is the place appointed: I'll be judgement by mine host of the Garter. |
| Host | Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh, soul-curer and body-curer! |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Ay, dat is very good; excellent. |
| Host | Peace, I say! hear mine host of the Garter. Am I politic? am I subtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the potions and the motions. Shall I lose my parson, my priest, my Sir Hugh? no; he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. Give me thy hand, celestial; so. Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be the issue. Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads of peace; follow, follow, follow. |
| SHALLOW | Trust me, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen, follow. |
| SLENDER | [Aside] O sweet Anne Page! |
| [Exeunt SHALLOW, SLENDER, PAGE, and Host] | |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | Ha, do I perceive dat? have you make-a de sot of us, ha, ha? |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | This is well; he has made us his vlouting-stog. I desire you that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy cogging companion, the host of the Garter. |
| DOCTOR CAIUS | By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too. |
| SIR HUGH EVANS | Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you, follow. |
| [Exeunt] |