| [Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus and the Officer] | |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Fear me not, man; I will not break away: I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money, To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for. My wife is in a wayward mood to-day, And will not lightly trust the messenger That I should be attach'd in Ephesus, I tell you, 'twill sound harshly in her ears. |
| [Enter DROMIO of Ephesus with a rope's-end] | |
| Here comes my man; I think he brings the money. How now, sir! have you that I sent you for? |
|
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
But where's the money? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Five hundred ducats, villain, for a rope? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
To what end did I bid thee hie thee home? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I returned. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
And to that end, sir, I will welcome you. |
| [Beating him] | |
| Officer | Good sir, be patient. |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in adversity. |
| Officer | Good, now, hold thy tongue. |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Thou whoreson, senseless villain! |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows. |
| ANTIPHOLUS | Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass. |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | I am an ass, indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm, he cools me with beating; I am waked with it when I sleep; raised with it when I sit; driven out of doors with it when I go from home; welcomed home with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders, as a beggar wont her brat; and, I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder. |
| [Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the Courtezan, and PINCH] | |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or rather, the prophecy like the parrot, 'beware the rope's-end.' |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Wilt thou still talk? |
| [Beating him] | |
| Courtezan | How say you now? is not your husband mad? |
| ADRIANA | His incivility confirms no less. Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand. |
| LUCIANA | Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks! |
| Courtezan | Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy! |
| PINCH | Give me your hand and let me feel your pulse. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
There is my hand, and let it feel your ear. |
| [Striking him] | |
| PINCH | I charge thee, Satan, housed within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight: I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven! |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad. |
| ADRIANA | O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul! |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house to-day, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut And I denied to enter in my house? |
| ADRIANA | O husband, God doth know you dined at home; Where would you had remain'd until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame! |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Dined at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
And did not she herself revile me there? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Sans fable, she herself reviled you there. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
And did not I in rage depart from thence? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | In verity you did; my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage. |
| ADRIANA | Is't good to soothe him in these contraries? |
| PINCH | It is no shame: the fellow finds his vein, And yielding to him humours well his frenzy. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me. |
| ADRIANA | Alas, I sent you money to redeem you, By Dromio here, who came in haste for it. |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Money by me! heart and goodwill you might; But surely master, not a rag of money. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Went'st not thou to her for a purse of ducats? |
| ADRIANA | He came to me and I deliver'd it. |
| LUCIANA | And I am witness with her that she did. |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | God and the rope-maker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope! |
| PINCH | Mistress, both man and master is possess'd; I know it by their pale and deadly looks: They must be bound and laid in some dark room. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day? And why dost thou deny the bag of gold? |
| ADRIANA | I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth. |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | And, gentle master, I received no gold; But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out. |
| ADRIANA | Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all; And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me: But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport. |
| [Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives] |
|
| ADRIANA | O, bind him, bind him! let him not come near me. |
| PINCH | More company! The fiend is strong within him. |
| LUCIANA | Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks! |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou, I am thy prisoner: wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue? |
| Officer | Masters, let him go He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him. |
| PINCH | Go bind this man, for he is frantic too. |
| [They offer to bind Dromio of Ephesus] | |
| ADRIANA | What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself? |
| Officer | He is my prisoner: if I let him go, The debt he owes will be required of me. |
| ADRIANA | I will discharge thee ere I go from thee: Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good master doctor, see him safe convey'd Home to my house. O most unhappy day! |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
O most unhappy strumpet! |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Master, I am here entered in bond for you. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS |
Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me? |
| DROMIO OF EPHESUS | Will you be bound for nothing? be mad, good master: cry 'The devil!' |
| LUCIANA | God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk! |
| ADRIANA | Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me. |
| [Exeunt all but Adriana, Luciana, Officer and Courtezan] |
|
| Say now, whose suit is he arrested at? | |
| Officer | One Angelo, a goldsmith: do you know him? |
| ADRIANA | I know the man. What is the sum he owes? |
| Officer | Two hundred ducats. |
| ADRIANA | Say, how grows it due? |
| Officer | Due for a chain your husband had of him. |
| ADRIANA | He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not. |
| Courtezan | When as your husband all in rage to-day Came to my house and took away my ring-- The ring I saw upon his finger now-- Straight after did I meet him with a chain. |
| ADRIANA | It may be so, but I did never see it. Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is: I long to know the truth hereof at large. |
| [Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and DROMIO of Syracuse] |
|
| LUCIANA | God, for thy mercy! they are loose again. |
| ADRIANA | And come with naked swords. Let's call more help to have them bound again. |
| Officer | Away! they'll kill us. |
| [Exeunt all but Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse] |
|
| ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE |
I see these witches are afraid of swords. |
| DROMIO OF SYRACUSE | She that would be your wife now ran from you. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE |
Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence: I long that we were safe and sound aboard. |
| DROMIO OF SYRACUSE | Faith, stay here this night; they will surely do us no harm: you saw they speak us fair, give us gold: methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch. |
| ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE |
I will not stay to-night for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard. |
| [Exeunt] |